You spend hours grocery shopping, washing, chopping, sauteeing and arranging. The dish is laid out like a piece of art. Wine is poured. Okay….they’re going to loooove this!!!
Heinz Ketchup has no place on a nice meal
Then they say, “I’m going to get some ketchup.”
Um, what? Why do they need to dump ketchup on a finely prepared meal?
Good question. Let me try to answer it for you. Ketchup enthusiasts are not your average eater. I’ll try to describe this without stepping into “complaint territory,” since my Lenten sacrifice forbids it.
Here’s a personality profile of a typical ketchup fan:
- Extreme sensitivity to strong tastes (real or imagined)
- Expect indulgence of abounding dis/likes
- Don’t like onions, many cheeses or sushi
- Unquenchable thirst for milk
- Prefer deli sandwiches with only turkey and American cheese
- Aversion to trying new food/drinks
- Indulgent parents
- Inability to understand other’s annoyance
- Heavy dippers in ketchup/ranch ramekins
- Blissfully ignorant of ketchup nutritional facts
Garlic is the catsup of intellectuals. Amen!
I’m close with several ketchup fans. They’re the sweetest, most caring people you’d ever want to meet. Except when it comes to meals. Then they’re my mortal enemy.
I understand their parents let them eat (or not, as the case may be) whatever they wanted growing up. But as an adult, people like easy going eaters. When you’re cooking for your friends or hubby, you want them to say, “This looks delicious!” Not, “Oh…what’s in it?”
Try something new. Start small. Nibble on lettuce.
My goal is to slip onions, garlic and blue cheese into every meal they eat. Since that doesn’t always work, I’ll just chastise them in the meantime.
I liked how you described your ketchup fans to be some of the most sweetest people I’d wanna meet and then call them your mortal enemies when it comes to meals. haha! I think that describes some of my family members as well.
This is great! Good balance of humor and satire and a great social commentary. Loved it, keep ‘em coming!
Fantastic blog! I’ve been spending way too much time at work reading your posts. A good blogger makes ketchup fascinating, and you do that really well. Kudos.
You know, it was President Reagan who once said that ketchup is a vegetable. I agree. It goes deliciously well with nearly everything. The more the better! So don’t try to convert us. Just accept it and you’ll make many a ketchup lover even sweeter than they already are.
You popped up on Freshly Pressed. Hi. I’m new. I like your stuff.
Ketchup lovers irk me to no end. I like a little sweet tomatoey goo on my fries too.. but don’t you dare dump that crap on the amazing gourmet meal I spent hours of time and love concocting for you!
Kudos to you for secretly purveying tasty ingredients. Hopefully your friends will thank you for opening their eyes.